[lack of missions this summer]
initially, i was really upset that due to family priorities, i wasn't able to go on missions this year. i really wanted to go to Taiwan, and when they changed the location to VA- where i was last year- it made me really resent my responsibilities as a daughter as well as a cousin to attend the wedding at Atlanta. Secondly, with so much college preparation that has not started yet, i wasn't able to commit to the DCLA missions team either. i learned so much from last year's trip and am still tryin so hard to become a better christian, and this year's fellowship- although we did a lot, i felt that due to my weaknesses as a leader and person, i wasn't able to fully grow as a christian. i really regret being the way i was and distancing myself from fellowship because of the way i was feeling towards particular people or just the way things were changing, and i was really hoping that i was able to go on Missions to learn more. However, my plans were not in line with His plans. I remember last year at missions, i was so sure that i was goin to go to missions again this year. auntie wendy even told me that i would be perfect to go to trinidad's missions, and i agreed with her. i was really angry when i found out that i wasn't able to go this year, but i can confidently say that now, i can see God's hand in my life senior year and he really blessed me in the way things turned out to help me grow.

this past year, i became friends with a new group of people from school. Yes, i have to admit, i did spend a lot of time with them because it was so convenient. they each live at most 10 minutes from me and it meant not driving long distances everyday just to hang out for a few hours. But most importantly, this year, i met a real good group of friends that cared for me and allowed me to be a christian, rather than pressuring me to do things i couldn't do. we played a lot of volleyball, watched movies, ate continuously, went out for Ritas/Ralph's, and hung around town having a blast. by the end of the year, i knew that this wasn't just individuals that would befriend me for a few months, but we really became a group of people that shared life together- the joys and pains of graduating, sitting in our English class for the last time, attending graduation parties, and sitting around laughing and crying with each other.

prior to this year, i remember getting caught up in holmdel and the fact that i wasn't "fortunate" enough to live there. a part of me hated God for not allowing my parents to see that i had no friends in Marlboro and all my church friends were so far away- making life very hard. This year however, God gave me a wonderful oppurtunity to grow closer to my church friends- ones that i was also given the great opportunity to work together with in felly- as well as a great group of friends in school.

additionally, i met someone that not only taught me academically as well as spiritually. Dr Pullen, my AP English teacher, made such a big impression on me this year. She was one of the smartest people i have ever encountered but besides that, she took care of our class outside the classroom and took time into making sure she understood us personally. she went to most of the marlboro baseball games, and when i was there, i was able to talk to her and get to know her better. before doing this, i was horrified of her. i made a really bad impression on her the first day i switched into the class. in getting to know her, she showed me that she really cared about her students, as well as me. man.. i really love her. i know it sounds stupid and meaningless, but i cried over her retirement.. i cried the last day of class.. and i cried w/her at graduation..

this year has been one of the greatest years of my life... so far =P i feel as if i've also learned to become more of an individual- knowing when to express my views and beliefs- and that i've also learned how to be true to my beliefs while at the same time being a part of a group that was non-christian. so many times in the past, i would act a certain way or try to show others someone i was not just so i would be popular in school. Last year's missions really made me a stronger christian and i was really blessed to know how to be myself and still be accepted. This is something that i treasure greatly and i know that i will need in college.

yes, i am still a little upset that i didn't go on missions this year. yes, i'm disappointed in myself for distancing myself in fellowship as a leader, but i am so grateful that God has helped me grow and also placing so many people in my life that helped me grow as well as allowed for me to be myself. from church people (ellen, eric, allie, steph, derk, george, christina, paige, and the rest of the ycows and joywok!) to school people (matt, cole, mint, pita, jordo, phil, sof, v, mo, anil, gina, and the rest of the vball crew =P) ..... i'm so blessed =)

ok so as u can see, i've had a lot of time to think while on vacation... call me crazy..... but yeah.... god is good, all the time =)