...LIFE...

wow so lots have been going on and i've been really tryin to keep a good attitude through everythings that's happened.

As confusing and ambiguous my future looks right now, i know things are going to be all right. i guess i'm handling things better than i thought i ever would- being miss dramaqueen here- but it has led me to think a lot about life. i had a really good conversation with phil stango (yeah phil!!) a couple of nites ago which really allowed me speak out a lot of my frustrations and to have someone relate to me was so relieving.

being at college and seeing people party all day and all nite and walk around aimlessly on campus really makes me wonder what the heck i'm doing here. i don't wanna party every chance i get to, i dont' go from exam to exam studying the info and forgettin the second i get out of them, and i certainly don't want to waste these next 4 years if i don't know what i'm really doing...

one thing that Pastor Steve Lee said at our revival meetin last weekend was not to complain all the time because we dont' want to hinder the leaders that lead the church by discouraging them. that bothered me a lot and i didn't know what to take of it. i wasn't disturbed by what he said but rather, what he was implying. aren't the leaders put there so that we could go to them? weren't they called out by God to serve? then why should be make them comfortable in their position when their role is not fully extended to the church? i know i'm exxagerating here a bit and i know it's bad to complain ALL THE TIME... but... aish... i guess what i'm wonderin is... WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?

the next few months are going to be crucial for me in deciding where i will be and what i will be doing in the following years.

i know that things will be ok no matter what i choose but i want it to be better than ok. i want what i choose to be the best...

but then again, maybe we don't deserve the best...??