[bittersweet moments]
so the past few days were really tough for me. probably the toughest few days i've had in a while. the last time i went through something like this was about 2 years ago and i thought after that, i would never have to be like that again. amidst all the pain and tears i was reminded of many of the things that i have either left behind, or that i have just taken for granted. i guess this was a good thing to happen, especially at the end of the year, because it's goin to help me through this new year:

:: being able to talk to kev on the phone and realize how much we've been through together--goin to the same middle school, then high school, and now college. for our relationship to never have changed yet.

:: seeing eric and being able to give him a BIG GINORMOUS hug and him knowing that i didn't need him to comfort me w/words, but just his presence.

:: watching "Dances with Wolves" and having great friends to scream during all the unnecessary not-so-scary moments of the movie.

:: hanging out w/ellen and picking up from where we left off. giving people zerberts. ellen roks always.

:: putting up w/dave's animosity towards me =)

:: being able to talk w/mo and being blatantly honest w/him and not having to hide my feelings from him... and for him to continually set me straight.

:: knowing that i had a good group of friends (the VBC) to be able to talk to. I STILL NEED TO SEE ALL OF U! (.. NICOLE, craig, tim, tommy, v, phil, mo, anil, andrew, and jordo).

:: having derk be grateful about something as lil as an orange peeler that i got him.

hehe good times, good times. it also made me a bit sad tho... knowing that people i once relied on are no longer there, and seeing how old we've all gotten and how we have to deal w/the conquences of our own mistakes and just stand strong cuz life goes on. it's hard. but w/god's strength, i can do all things. =)

[new years resolutions]
i do have a few new years resolutions. i'm not goin to put it on my blog.. cuz i don't know. i think that's silly. and also cuz i don't want to tell anyone in fear of failing. i did tell one person tho to keep me somewhat accountable, but that's all that's needed. speaking of new years resolutions tho, i remember two years ago, i was talking to dan on the phone and told him my new years resolution was to never watch movies again because they gave me a false representation of what love is. haha. what a sap i was. i never kept the resolution, of course, and broke it two days later. i'm an idiot. =P

[cards]
i was suposed to go to NYC last nite to spend new years w/V, nicole, craig, tommy and andrew but at the last second, i backed out in fear of worrying my mom too much (sorry i missed you guys!! glad you had fun.... wish i was w/you!).. so instead spent new years at grace's house. we had an awesome time playing this new game dave introduced to us called "moods". it was sooper fun. afterwards we played a BIG game of texas hold'm. 12 people started out. towards the beginning of the game, i almost took all of dave's money... and he tried hard to get it back. haha. i almost made it to the final four.. but was foolishly the one TO make the final four =p. it was good to get calls from people.. all were very drunk=P : phil, craig, nicole, andrew, tommy, dymbart... AND my very sober friend roger =). it was a lot of fun last nite guys. next game: saturday nite at frances' house. IT'S ON.